Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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