Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
