Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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