If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
