Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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