In America we eat man semen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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