you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize