someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
