I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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