im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
