you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
