I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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