someone get that fucking seahorse.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
