I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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