Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
