I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The best revenge is premature balding
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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