were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
