this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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