My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
