I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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