Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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