i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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