Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
