Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
