Banned from zoo.
Again?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want to make out with him forever
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
