at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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