We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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