OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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