Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
