Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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