fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
