Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize