If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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