my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
