Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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