haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
