i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
