everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
