I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
