tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize