my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
