I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
