i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
