remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
