Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
