Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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