She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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