the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
