remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
