So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
