i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
