i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
