My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
