Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
