the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
