The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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