Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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