I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?