make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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