you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
