The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I will be naked everywhere
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
