please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
