I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
