Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
