She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
