Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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