I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
