i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
