We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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