So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think pants incapable of making pants work
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
