Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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