I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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