I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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