I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
