He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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