so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
